Gerko's Weblog

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Small update

So uhm ... for the past three years I've been meaning to update this place and tell you all (Who all? No-one's reading this anymore. ANYWAY.) about my wonderful relationship with Maribel.

Then again, I guess I won't, since that's over now, too. Sheesh. Anyway, I'm trying to recover from the breakup (kinda messy, but clean in a way, too. Would take a while to explain.) and I find myself regressing into old habits. For one, I'm online on Instant Messengers again, after a hiatus of some 3+ years. Not talking to a lot of people, since most of my contacts seem to have moved on (if only to new nicknames/accounts).

Also, it looks like I'm writing in my blog again. OH NOES WHAT'S GOING ON!?

posted by Anonymous at 23:32 (#) -

Friday, September 22, 2006

Gerko's not dead.

Nope, nope.
Gerko's still alive. Kicking, too. Not too hard, and not really aiming for the nuts, either.

Yeah. So. uhm. This place might be dead, though.

posted by Anonymous at 00:47 (#) -

Tuesday, November 02, 2004

Good Riddance ? ~sigh~

Friendship between June and myself is now officially over.

*deep sigh*

posted by Anonymous at 01:15 (#) -

Sunday, October 31, 2004

Gerko's back ?

Well, I got around to putting up some earlier writings.

Be sure to check further down the page up until september 21st, in case you're interested.
I should so be studying instead of updating my blog. But it was doing this or doing absolutely nothing. For the first time in quite a while, I chose this.

Tomorrow I have a Lexicon (vocabulary) test. Haven't really studied. Going to have to depend on my own skill in the English language to get me through this one.

... There's quite a bit more news to tell, and I hope I'll be updating some more in the nearby future. As well as another template update. Links need to be replaced or removed, and as I said a long time ago, blogger updated and has new nifty stuff I should incorporate into this.

Let's just say I'm still broken over the previous weekend. I'm really just at a loss what to do now.

posted by Anonymous at 22:49 (#) -

Monday, October 25, 2004

After ...

It was going to be great.
What went wrong ?

Was it me ? Was it June ?
Both, I figure.

Why wasn't I excited before I left home ? Why wasn't I thrilled at meeting June and flying on an airplane? I hadn't flown in some 14 or 15 years. And now I'm apathic about it. Ok, well, the flight was interesting. But no more than reading the label on a beer bottle.

The return plane is currently waiting for take-off.
Taxi-ing ... stopped. Probably getting ready to accellerate any moment now.
... Guess not.

Why am I writing this ? Shouldn't I be paying attention to my surroundings ? I couldn't give a [expletive], though.

Plane is moving again. Don't know if it's for real this time.

*SIGH* Maybe it began when she didn't care to bother showing up at the airport. About half an hour of travel and £6 for a return ticket extra. That's what it would have costed her. Isn't it customary to pick up people at the airport if you're meeting for the first time? If the arrival is new to your country? Seems normal to me. Yet later on she even complained about having to come to the train station. That it was a big favour or something like that.

Definatly on the runway now. Feels like it's taking longer than the first time. Maybe because I'm distracted, or that it isn't new anymore. Probably because it is taking longer, though.
accelerating ... more ..
and ... we're off...
Hills, lots of hills. Noticed this on the first flight too. Some smallish towns.
Fairly steep ascend.
Turning at the moment. Going ... north.
And turning eastwards now. Sun at the back of the plane.
Already over some clouds.

I look down at some shorelines, searching for the same phenomenon that I saw on the first flight. There's no movement in the waves. They're still - frozen like in a picture or a minature. I wonder what to ascribe this to.

Did it begin earlier at my lack of enthusiasm ? Or was it when she showed up 90 minutes late at the pick-up ? Oh, she had a perfectly good reason for it, but when she said she could be there in 40 minutes ('might be a little later'), and it takes well over two hours - am I not allowed to be a bit miffed ?

Ah. Airplane food.

	SESAM BUN TURKEY/

		MUSTARD

- advertised as chicken. (Now that's something you don't see much.)
Also, a plastic cup of orange juice.
Quite nice.

Ofcourse she'd be miffed, too. Spending two hours in the rain - part of it walked without any shelter. Neither of us said much about this irritation, though.

When it really went wrong, though - was saturday morning. But the seeds had already been planted by a number of disappointments the night before.

I found myself unable to speak freely around June, just like around everyone else - but I'd expected differently. How many times had she not told me that she would be able to open me up? I expected her to bring a sledgehammer to break or smash my ice with. She never presented it.

Little bit of turbulence right now. Nothing major. Nothing more than what one would expect on train. Nothing on the com ... - and it's gone already. I think we left land just now.
...

I see some weird stuff below. Can't quite make it out. Bits of white, scattered and moving. Clouds? Waves? Seagulls? - no, not seagulls. Torn between clouds and waves.

I didn't get to sleep in the same room. She'd seen some TV program a few days earlier which had scared her, and she would only sleep with the lights on. Understandable, but not really fun. I had quite a longstanding wish, as it were, to see her sleeping. Not sure why- but I certainly wouldn't get to see her like that now.

She made some comments about not trusting me fully - that she was on her guard. And tell me there was no way she could be romantically interested in me. Just to make sure. As if it mattered. I came to see my friend, not fish for a relationship. Perhaps it wasn't that bad she was on her guard. I mean, can you really trust someone you've never actually met before ? ... I trusted her, though. Completely.

So, that, among some more little things not really worth mentioning here, I didn't go to bed too happily - and woke up rather depressed. Complete apathy and passivity reigned their ugly heads again - and I was a complete arse that saturday morning. I shaped up as best as I could in the afternoon, but I figure it was too late.

Descending now. Ears are being annoying. It's dark out.
Lots of lights, and as we're turning I think I could see the landing strip. Maybe not. Maybe just a highway. Or a town, actually. Hmm. so not used to this sight. Nice, though. Quite nice indeed.

I tried patching it up. Wrote a letter. Tried to start conversations but didn't. Wanted to touch her but couldn't. Too much of a threshold. Generally had the feeling of being treated as a guest rather than a good friend.

Landing speech on the com system now. Lights will be dimmed.
Clouds. Bit of turbulence.
Turning - lights not dimmed yet.
More highways and towns.
The moon just broke though the clouds on my left.

"Hi Luna ..."

Light are dimmed now. Can still write because of overhead light.
Even more towns and roads.

Nevermind that.

Landing gear came out. - Landing for sure now.

shaky ...

decelerating (in the air, still ?)

still a bit shaky.

(boy was I wrong when I thought I saw the landing strip earlier)

but ... now I see it.

touchdown.

written quite enough for now.

Ta!

posted by Anonymous at 18:10 (#) -

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

Before ...

Next friday morning, I'm going to get up from my bed, shave, shower. Put on my clothes, probably hastily eat some breakfrast - brush my teeth. Look in the mirror and see if my hair's okay and brush my hand through it either way - there'll be no noticable effect, so it doesn't matter. Go downstairs again. Sit down behind the PC and check for e-mails, a few webcomics. Laugh out loud, perhaps.
I gather my bags, say goodbye to my four younger siblings - if they're not yet at school. I ask my mom if we should be going. Or she asks me. I get the car keys, call out goodbye once again as I leave the house by the front door. I almost automatically take the driver's seat. I drive to the train station, leave the car, - my mom's car - in her custody, and with yet another goodbye I start walking towards the platform with my bags. I wave, see my mom drive away. I wait for the train, which undoubtedly will be delayed. It arrives eventually, I get inside and find myself a seat. I look around for a free newspaper and start reading as the train departs.

So far, an ordinary day.

By the end of the day, though - I'll be lying down on a floor in a strange house, in a country I've never been before, with people I've never met. Because I'm not going to my own place in Vlissingen, (which I christened "Student-Home-Place-Thingie") or to college in Tilburg. Oh no, I'm going to Schiphol Airport to catch flight KL1053, headed for Bristol International Airport.

It's is going to be the first time I'll be travelling on my own. It's going to be my first time to Britain, or any English speaking country, for that matter. It's going to be my first time on an airplane in about 15 years. (Incidentally, it's the first time my mom's airmiles are put to use as well.) And, it is also the first time I'm going to meet June face to face.

Now, I met June on the internet a little over two years ago. She had been pen pals with the girl across the street for a good number of years before. But, with the advent of the online world, their pens were slowly replaced by keyboards, and over time other people got involved and this eventually included yours truly, with a scheme to get both the girl across the street and myself started on writing a weblog. I probably would have declined, were it not that I had harboured an unrequited love for the girl across the street for nearly eight years. (But that's a different story that has been told here often enough already.)

Over these two years, June and I got pretty close - as far as online friendships are concerned, anyway. The decision to meet one day had been made well before either of us properly realised.
June, however, didn't really live closeby. She's Malaysian, and well, Malaysia isn't exactly around the corner. Nor is it around the corner, down the hallway and then on your right. So it was pretty much postponed indefinatly. A few months ago, though there was news. Great news. June was going to study Law, at a University in Bristol, England. And considering I'm a bit of a nut for the English language, but had never been to England before in my life - this was just about the best excuse possible to plan a trip.

There were some demands, though. "Stroopwafels" and "Boterbabbelaars", or I couldn't come. And I had to look out for something called Chanel Chance, and if it'd be less than £34 I had to buy it and she'd pay me back. I'll just assume it to be some kind of perfume.

So that it's. We agreed to meet at Temple Meads station somewhere in the afternoon, and that's where I'll get myself to. One way or another.

It's going to be great.

[start flashforward]

Or rather, it was going to be great ...

[end flashforward]

posted by Anonymous at 19:33 (#) -

Sunday, October 03, 2004

Another whining entry. Oh joy.

Am such complete loser. Still can't write. Can't put myself to anything. Resistance to 'must do' something far too great to be able to pull anything off.

Had list of things to do today - failed on all accounts except taking a shower.

Sorry for once again a completely repetitive whining post. Can't help it. Or won't help it or anything, but feel so incredibly useless at the moment. Had a slight glimpse of hope almost two weeks ago already, managed to write some blog entry and some assignment for school. Hope is all lost again as still haven't been able to even copy these entries from hand written notebook to computer.

I really just don't know what to do. "Just do it" is too big a threshold to overcome. Stupid Nike.

Also one might notice writing reverted to Bridget Jones Diary style, just like last time I read novel. (Much to lazy to find entries)

posted by Anonymous at 23:33 (#) -

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