Gerko's Weblog

Friday, May 31, 2002

Ah, last one-time note before I really do hit the sack :

Doug's away-message on ICQ : "Taking a shower .... NAKED!"
Cracked me up.

Egh, I'm okay now, I guess. Still tired though, and I've got a headache...

I think I'm gonna to hit the sack.
I'm heading home-home tomorrow. My sis still has loads of homework though, so I'm not sure how much time I'm going to get on-line.

Also, I should go and eat some more. I have barely eaten anything the last few days. Just because I didn't feel like it. ... Well, my stomach churned around 1 pm or so, but I didn't have any food readily at college, and when I got back home it had stopped.

*ugh* ... I dunno why I'm not eating. It's not that I'm trying to lose weight. (I should, though, I'm "fatz0r") It's like my body isn't asking for it, or something. Oh well. I'm gonna go get some sleep.

Meh ... At Vlissingen-home now.

Against my better judgement, I took that second test anyway. And I botched it, as I predicted. Walked out on it after an hour or so. (was a 90 minutes test) Egh. I'll be able to re-take it next week ...

Blaaaargh ...

Stupid electronics. They're starting to piss me off all over the place. The lights, the PC's, my radio. Everything that's fed by the power net. ... I'm just too edgy right now. And sooooooooo tired.

I'm gonna rip out the power cord of my PC when I'm done using it.

Got the results for the test I did this morning : 55/100. Not too bad, I guess...
And I found my homework doesn't have to be finished today, and that I can turn in the stuff monday. I'd be happy, if I didn't know I'll probably also won't be able to do anything this weekend.

Even more tired // drained than I was about one and half hour ago. Seriously thinking about forfeiting that second test and just go home. I'd probably screw it up beyond comprehension anyway.

At college. Still tired. I just feel completely worn out. I don't know why.

First test went ... uh ... I have no idea. I think I messed it up, I didn't know most of the questions ... But I don't know how good I am at educated guesses, so it might turn out to be ok.

Didn't do any homework yesterday. And stuff still needs to be finished today. But I simply couldn't do it yesterday, nor do I think I am capable of it today... But I don't really care. I just wanna go home and sleep some more... Not that sleeping helps, but ... Egh, at least I don't feel tired when I'm asleep...

Talking about sleep, I sort-of remembered my dream, again, it was pretty weird. I don't think there was any 'story' in it though. It was more a setting than anything else, and I was driven through it on a bus. (I remember walking for a while, too though)

Imagine those huge-largish tree logs. The hard/dark tropical stuff... 'The enviroment was built out of those things. They were 'hanging' above the ground, although I have no idea how high, or what it was hanging from. Maybe it was built from the floor up... So these these logs were strung together with some rope, and it looked a bit like those tree-houses and stuff. Only then on a much, much larger scale. And made only from those thick logs. (and rope).

Anyway, I was on a bus, and it drove over those logs, up and down, through the enviroment. Kinda weird how those logs/rope can hold up a bus. That took a while. After that, I was walking, or standing rather, somewhere (still in the log-area-stuff), and found a First Aid kit. One of those modern plastic ones, but larger than a normal 'at home' edition. I opened it and looked through it. Seemed new/unused...
Then there was something about Wubbo Ockels, (First Dutch astronaut) but I have no idea how/what/why the connection was with the rest of the dream. (I don't even really know what the guy looks like)

And again, I woke up well before the alarm clock. I'm getting that for the past few days now.

*yawns* ... maybe I should go prepare for that other test (still got 2½ hours), or I'll mess that one up too.
Well, that, or call in sick... I dunno yet. I just wanna go get some sleep. Sleep's nice...

Thursday, May 30, 2002

*yawns* ... I'm tired today... Don't really know why. Just sooooooo tired.

School was, eh, I dunno. Worked with some 5 electric thingies. (2 x MultiMeter, 1 x Frequenty meter, 1x Function Generator and 1x Oscilloscope) ... Big boxes, old-style stuff. And I sat for hours withing 3 feet of all five. It was ... unpleasant. Darn Electro-Magnetic/Static fields mess up my own Bio-electromagnetic field (I could feel 'em, I swear !). Or something like that .. I dunno ... Anyway, it felt unpleasant, My arms started to hurt somewhat, and just overall "not good" ...
Maybe that's why I'm tired as well, and maybe it's even the cause of my current (minor) headache.
Good going there, Gerko, studying Electro-Mechanics and turning out to be allergic to the electronic stuff. *Ugh*

Had a somewhat intimate talk with June today. She's great. Although I can't pathom why she won't give up on trying to connect a voice-conversation.
Mom visited for a while today, don't know why.
Did I say I was tired ?
I had a dream tonigh, but I dunno what it was about. At least I remembered having a dream.
Homework is scht00pid ... And I'm not going to do it tonight. I'll see about tomorrow, or the weekend. I don't even care right now. I'm just mentally drained. (By those electromagnetic fields, no doubt ! =P )

Oh, and Elise finally got her blog on-line ... w00t ... It needs some touching up on the lay-out, but it looks good overall. Link should be over there ( <-------------- )

Hrm ... Saw Fucking Åmål on the telly tonight, as well. It's cool/loveable. .... Loveable's a good word, really. I dunno, I really liked it.

I'm tired. I'll read through some stuff now for the test(s) tomorrow, then I'm going to hit the sack.

Gah ! ... more scht00pid homework.

I'm starting to really, really feel sorry for my sis... I think I'm starting to grasp what she has to go through almost every day ...

I think I'm ready for my test tomorrow (Thursday, it's not today yet. or something... ). I'm not done for my test friday though, nor am I done with another bunches of homework, and that needs to be finished by friday as well. On top of that, I'm probably cooking, want to watch a movie on TV, and do some cleaning, although I suppose I could procastrinate the cleaning till friday afternoon.

*sigh* ... Well, I'm going to take a shower, then hit the sack. ... G'night.

Wednesday, May 29, 2002

Just testing...

Elise is starting her blog, but she's having problems posting. I wonder if I'll get the same

[edit]Guess I'm not[/edit]

Sorry, had a lot of homework today. (Yesterday, according to this thing, but it's not 'tomorrow' untill I've slept)

Elise's Math exam didn't go too well ... :-/ ... Here's to hoping Tomorrow's/Today's will go better. ... Keep faith, girl.

Oh, I have some tests for the rest of the week as well, so I'm not sure if I'll be able to write down that much. ... *Already has 4 topics to rant about in his head*

Monday, May 27, 2002

I'm cold... I dunno why, but I'm really cold today.

Haven't been to college today.
Attempted a voice chat with June, but the sound started singing and all, so we kinda gave up quickly.
My sis needs the PC again, for homework, there's bunches of rants I want to write down, but I don't really feel like it, again, maybe because I'm cold. Doesn't matter, 'cos I don't really have the time for it anyway. *Thinks about sueing the government for the overload of homework they're giving my sister*

Sunday, May 26, 2002

Oh, yes, now I remember where that previous entry was about. I kinda forgot while writing it, but I did have something to say. I had to get out early today. On of my closer real-life friends did ... uh ... "beleidenis" today. ... I'm kinda PO'ed because I don't know the english word for it, but it the saying of "Yes, I do believe in the Bible and will live according to it's and the church's rules and guidelines" ... Was/is a pretty big thing for him. He's pretty close (if he isn't already) to a rolemodel Christian, and well ... *shrugs*. Went to the service this morning.

For me, well, I dunno. I'm not much of Christian. I couldn't say I believe in the Bible as is. Don't really go to church often, usually only for some special occasion, as earlier today. But I'm not the kind of hypocrite that'll go to church on christmas, and perhaps one or two other religious holidays and doesn't bother with it for the rest of the year. ... I do have respect for the Christian religion though. But for me, it's too restricting. It demands for some ideas concerning the workings of life, the universe and everything.

Also, the idea of a God who needs to be praised, glorified and thanked all the time just doesn't feel right to me. If he really is that great, why would he need his underlings to praise him as such ? ... Maybe I'm just looking at it from a too human point of view. But the way now, God pretty much resembles the kind of Medieval Overlords who, being a bunch of evil asses, demanding from their peasants to be praised into heaven. Or at least close to it. If you're really that good, great, loving, whatever, I don't see why one would really want to be glorified as such. Maybe it's wrong to connect modesty to being 'good' ... but ... I dunno. It's just not it for me. Not just because of this, there's other things too, 'specially since I'm sure there must be a few branches out there that doesn't praise the Lord as such.

Then again, I do agree with most of their values and stuff. ("Love thy neighbour as thy self" or whatever the proper english phrase for it is) ... I tend to go around with the notion that I have (or at least should have) respect for everyone and everything. ... Also, I'm kinda ... something ... about understanding people. Somehow (or at least I think so) I can imagine how people feel, their motives. Why they do things. Or why they don't do things. ... As in, well ... "Whatever you do, I understand" ... I simply understand, instinctively, perhaps. And well, how can you judge someone about something when you understand their point of view ? (Ofcourse, it should be the other way around : You're not supposed to judge something you don't understand. But that's how it works, anyway.)

Maybe that's why I like people. I like most people. I don't really like being around people, though. But I do like one-on-one contact, and it's real hard for me to name (to myself) people I dislike. ... Well, that, or maybe I've just been real fortunate to have met all the right people instead of the wrong ones.

Maybe I'll write more on this later, because there's a lot more to say about it all, also about how I felt during the service. (Kinda ... weird.. ) but I think I wrote enough about it just now.

Oh, and that calmness of yesterday night didn't last too long. 'bout half an hour after that, I got one real nasty bitch of a headache, and it kept me up till about 3 am. Stupid headaches. >:-/

Hrm .. I feel pretty calm ... gonna hit the sack soon. Guess I just really needed to write that down.

G'night people, take care.

Hrm ... The Order's site's down. And I'm not really sure when it'll be back up. The site it was hosted on shutted down. And I don't know when we're moving.

I changed the link to their Message Board now, which is hosted on another server. It's a pretty nice group of people, and I've got some really great friends there.

The Order was founded on the basis of the PC-RPG game Fallout, quite some years ago. I don't even know where or how to explain the impact that game has made on my life. I love that game. It's by far the most influencal game in my life. Fallout was the main reason I went out and got an internet connection. It's where I spent most of early on-line years on. (And it's not even multi-player !) ... It's through that game that I got to know about everyone on my contact lists that I don't know from real life. It's where I based my Winamp skin on. ... My life would've been completely different today if it weren't for that game. I care for that game more than any other materialistic thing.

'Course, even a tiny, insignificant change a couple of years ago, and my life today would be completely different. But those effects all would've been untraceably indirect. This is direct, or at least can be traced back easily.

Well, seems like after I got that one about "inner-me" subject #1 out of my system, I'm capable to write "normal-me" stuff again.

w00t !

Oh ! ... ABSOLUTELY PRICELESS !

Blogger decides to screw up, right at the most crucial moment of my post below this one.
It was very near 0:00, in other words, sunday. So I hurried a bit to get it done, since it was meant to be posted on saturday... Then, being done at 11:58, I press the [Post] button and Blogger decides to stop working and gives me a double "Cannot display page" error. ...

So I edited my post before that. ... It was just a 5 line post telling I didn't feel like writing stuff down, so nothing's lost, really. But ... darn ... it was really strange, and F'ed up, and I'm still wondering if I should've taken it as an signal not to post it at all. My most personal entry to date, and Blogger decides to glitch.

Oh well.

Saturday, May 25, 2002

Egh ...
First of all, I'm probably postponing the "Get to know Gerko Crash Course" ... so if there's some itching questions you want to know about me, contact me on MSN (gerko2077@hotmail.com) or ICQ (38897762), or just e-mail me.

Secondly, I'm going to write some inner-me stuff below. I've been caught up in quite some the last few days, and I think that maybe that's partially the reason I'm not writing as much now. (Not a lot of "normal-me" subjects to rant about)

... Elise has been going out with her boyfriend for 6 months today. ... And I ... well ... I dunno... *sigh* ... I'm happy for 'em. ... I guess.

Elise was the first girl I ever had a crush on, waaaaaaaay back in Elementary/Primary school. About 8 years ago ... I think I was just 10 at the time. ... And actually, I never had a crush on anyone else after that. 'Course, crushes fade after time. But by the time that was mostly gone, I had started to genuinely love her. And that's harder to get rid of. I wasn't in love anymore, I just loved her.

Hrm ... He's actually a nice guy. I never really knew him that well before, but from what I do know about him, he's a nice guy. I don't bear any resentment towards him. Although sometimes I wish I did, it would make my feelings a lot easier. But I don't . ... It's not his fault. Nor is it Elise's, or mine, I guess. I blame "Fate" ... =P

It's kinda funny, though. Those few days after the 25th of november I was in the weirdest mood I ever had for a time longer than a day. I really didn't feel good. I felt lousy, I guess. But, somehow, I just couldn't stop smiling. I felt down, and happy, a sense of actual contentment those few days. I really can't remember any other recent period in which I really had that feeling of a natural smile on my face... The depressions I'm used to. I'm not a very happy person. I'm usually okay, though. But I could've never expected me to actually feel happy with the news that the person I love with my entire heart and soul started a relationship with someone else.

Elise, I'll say it again : I'm a friend. Your relationship with Huib has nothing to fear from me. I sometimes just wish it could've been different. Oh well. But you already knew that, didn't you ?

Congrats to the both of you.

Oh, and I've been stupid enough to tell my mother and sister about this page. They'll probably be reading this soonish. ... Eh .... Mom, Alique, just pretend you didn't read this, ok ? ... Don't mention it to me, anyway. Not yet, in any case. Dunno if I can take the comments in real-life. I don't care how. Just pretend you accidentally skipped this post or something... I expect you to respect my wish here.

To everyone else : A shocker ? ... Eh, I dunno. Maybe. I know I'm shocked I had the guts to write it down. And yeah, I'm a wuss regarding opening up my feelings to my family. =P

And that's that for "inner-me" subject #1.

Friday, May 24, 2002

Well, I'm home-home. been there for a while now.
Don't really have to report much.

I'm teaching Elise the l33t 4rts of l3e+ 5p34k ... She's a good student . =P
Oh, and my mom decided upon something, but it's connected to "inner-me" subject #2.

Oh, and food's ready.
Gotta go eat.

Hrm .. still at college, will head home soonish.
Test was post-poned to next week. Oh well... Didn't study too hard for it, anyway. (Not that there was that much to study about) I'm going to have to do some homework this weekend though. Nothing really problematic, just that, well, I tend to do nothing at all in the weekends. Something I should change.

I'm thinking I should write something more down about yesterday, but I'm having problems writing it down and I'm not really in the mood to squize it out now. (It's about, or at least connected to "inner-me" subjects ... also, I'm too bloody lazy at the moment) ...

*yawn* ... Being hungry makes one sleepy. Maybe I should go home and eat something.
Take care, folks. I'll post at least one more time today, if only to let you all know I got home-home safely.

And again, at college.
Was right in my assumption that the web was down at my student-home. But MSN (and ICQ, for that matter) worked, so I did get to talk with people somewhat. Not sure if it's back up today, but I'll be heading home-home this evening anyway, so it shouldn't be that much of a problem if it's still down.

I'm taking that test later today, not in the morning, as I first thought I would have. Oh, and Elise is having her German exam right now. I'm crossing my fingers and "thumbing" my thumbs (Dutch equivalent of crossing your fingers). Looks real stupid, too. =P

I remembered my dream ! Whee ! ... Now, not that I remember a whole lot of it. I just remember one 'scene' or something like that. And it ... weird... First of all, imagine bright colors, it almost looked like one of those cartoon shows, graphically. It was 3d though, but it didn't have the ugly "This is sooo obviously computer generated" shiny stuff. ... Oh, yes, what it was about. ... Well, I was this young boy or something. (I was in control of 'im, or at least it seemed that way. But it wasn't in a 1st person perspective.) And he believed in superman ... I'm thinking this Superman was a bad version or something, because he sometimes blasted explosions (with his laser-eyes.... Hey ! that's not right ! His laser-eyes cut things, not explode it... oh well, stupid dream) down to below for no real reason. (Maybe he just hated the boy, but the boy wasn't really scared of superman himself. Only for the explosions)... Then, there was some group of kids, and one grown up, I think at a school-yard. There was one of those public phones right in the middle of 'em. (American type). The grown-up claimed to have superman on the phone, and told the boy something about him coming this way. The boy ran away from the group, and ducked for cover... but, ofcourse, nothing happened, and he ended up being the laughing stock of the group or so. (Because none of those believed in superman. The grown-up was just making fun of him. 'I' knew it, but the boy didn't, but then again, I was the boy . so ..? ). .... There was also another 'scene' where they were blasted, but I think it came before this scene. ... or something. And they were unsuspecting at that time. (No making fun of he boy, either)

In other words : it was weird. ... I wonder if all my dreams are this weird.

Eh, I'm gonna stop, for now... My class 'll start soonish. Maybe I'll write down some more later today. (got a few more 'free' hours.)

Thursday, May 23, 2002

At college again. And again, done with my classes. And again, I'll probably run a simulation or two of what I'm studying before heading home. But now I'm writing in my weblog, just in case the internet connection is down at home.

Didn't get to remember any dreams, but I've had a good night's sleep ... Cried a little before I fell asleep. Just as my semi-depression last night, I'm not really sure why. They weren't even really sad tears, either. I'm thinking it could just be me releasing some emotions or something. You know, people cry out of happiness too, you know. ... Not that these were 'happiness' tears. I'd label 'em neutral. Or whatever. It helps though. Tend to wake up a whole lot better if I dropped a tear or two the night before. My mood's up, can get out of bed more easily, and generally start the day better. Hrm... I've got a test tomorrow morning ... maybe I should watch some sappy movie tonight before heading to bed. (lol)

Hrmm ... I should be starting with writing down some of the stuff I've been wanting to write down. ... Don't really know where to start though. Meh. Doesn't really matter, either. ...

Some time ago (I think about a mont), I decided to ignore taboos. At least for those subjects who are (IMHO) unjustly taboo'ed ... Having said this, I'm not going to start breaking taboos left and right. I'm not going to provoke it, or whatever. I'm ignoring their existance. I'm not fighting 'em. "Fighting" 'em doesn't work, anyway. Provokingly breaking taboos by bragging about it or whatever isn't going to help to get rid of it. For an analogy, let's say you really dislike some article in the paper. So you make a copy of the page it's on. Then, you take the copy, crumble it up, shred it to pieces, trample all over it, and set it on fire. Whoa, you really showed that article. ...
I'm not really sure how sound that analogy is... I think it sucks, especially the 'paper' bit, but that's how I first imagined it, and well, it's kinda funny. What I do mean, is that I won't try to beat around the bush of some 'touchy' subject. For example, I'll talk normally about sex. ... with emphasis on normally.

I don't really like rules anyway. I mean, it's good that they're there and all. But I'd much rather have them be guidelines instead of rules. I'm not out to break rules, but I'm not going to be constriced by them. But I'm a nice, calm guy. If I were to act with no regard of rules whatsoever, I'd probably stay inside the rule boundaries most of the time anyway... I guess that, perhaps I don't have any regard for rules. I do have regard for people, though. And people are those who set up the rules anyway. So I'd follow 'em, as long as they're not nonsense.

If there's a "forbidden entry" sign somewhere, it's probably there for a reason. Someone doesn't want other people there, and who am I to ignore that ? Then again, I will jump a red light, or ignore a stop sign if there's no-one around. If me crossing some rule doesn't hurt anyone, I'm ignoring it. I don't follow nonsense. Ofcourse, if someone were to 'catch' me in the act of breaking a (nonsense) rule, I'm not going to fight their authority, especially if they have real authority, but probably also if otherwise. If someone minds enough to tell me off about it, I'll take full responsibility. Not that that will stop me from breaking a nonsense rule next time.

Whoa, now wasn't this an interesting entry ? More to come ...

Wednesday, May 22, 2002

Still don't really feel like posting anything. Maybe because there's so much I want to write down here, and I can't. Not all at once, anyway, and I don't know when/where to really start. ... Well, either that, or I shoudn't have re-named this a weblog. :-Þ

Talked with Elise and June again today. They accidently told me something I wasn't supposed to hear. All I have to figure out now is a good bay to black-mail 'em over it. Well, I could threaten to post it on this weblog. That's not the part of the black-mailing that's the problem. The problem's my demands. I don't know what to ask for it. ...

Hehehe, j/k, ladies.

Oh, shortly after that, the MSN window got filled up to five people talking. Too much like a chatroom. I don't really like chatrooms. Well, I don't mind watching 'em, but I'm no good in participating in 'em. Just like in real-life. I don't communicate well in crowds. Not in small-sized groups, even. I prefer my communication one-on-one, one-on-many or many-on-one. Not many-on-many. I suppose the saying Three is a crowd applies to me.

Talked to Elise for a while after dinner again, too. ...

Hrmmm .... "inner-me" wants to say something, but I'm having problems writing it down... Maybe tomorrow, if my internet connection isn't cut. There's about 2% of the bandwidth left for tomorrow, and, well, it might be locked up tomorrow evening. So if I don't post tomorrow, don't worry. I'll be back on Friday. (When the new 'bandwidth' period starts.)

Kinda semi-depressed again. Don't really know why. And, sheesh, I'm tired. That's unusual for me at this time. ... Oh well. G'night people.
Here's to sweet dreams. (I could use one, at least)

Well, I'm at home in Flushing again. For a while now.

Hrm ... I dunno ... *shrugs* Eh ...
Hmmm ... What was I writing down ? ...
Eh, getting up was difficult this morning. School was .... ok. I'm semi-hungry ... And I didn't remember my dream(s), so I can't write those down.

Uhm ... yeah.

At school/college now. Done with my classes, but I'll be running some simultions on the PC here before I head back to my student-home.

As I said, it didn't turn out to be quite as bad as I thought it would be. But still, I'm overcome with a sense of "NOOOOOOOOooooooo" regarding college. *sigh*.

Oh, and when I put up my e-mail yesterday, I actually meant this :
99% of the e-mails I get are spam. I don't like that. You can help me decrease this percentage by sending me something. ... Please ?

Now that I'm talking about e-mails, that reminds me that I still haven't replied to Elise's "How well do you know me" e-mail she forwarded to 'everyone' (Dutch people only, I think). And it's been a few weeks already.Sorry ! ... Maybe that's why I don't get that many. I don't tend to send out e-mails as much. I'm a passive person. Most of the time, anyway.

Also, I've decided I like weblog better than blog ... So I'll probably call it a weblog from now on.

Well, I'm in Flushing now. Been here for two and a half hours or so now. I should be going to bed. I will, soon. But first some late time rants. Flushing is the international/English name for Vlissingen which is the dutch name for the city I'm in now. I think I'll be using both names here. Just know that both mean the same thing.

*sigh* ... School tomorrow. I don't wanna. I really don't wanna. ... but ... meh, it'll be fine once I get there. But now, I feel like I want to stay up all night to delay tomorrow from coming. 'Course, by the time I'd have to go to school I'd be overly exhausted

Oh, and Doug suggested I'd start writing my dreams down here. The idea kinda scares me, but then again, it doesn't sound that bad an idea. Maybe I will. I've been remembering dreams a little better since a few weeks or so. I could hardly remember having them at all most of the time for the last couple of years, but now I've had a few nights lately when I remembered parts when I woke up. All pretty weird though. Then again, dreams usually are.

Thinking a bit more about wether or not I should write the "inner-me" stuff down here too. I've been spreading this URL around a bit more as well, so the question is gaining some more importance. ... I can't really put it into words that much though. I guess it has to do with scaring some people away or something. There's something about privacy too. So far I haven't really had the urge to write the "inner-me" down though, so I guess it'll stay at "normal-me" for a while. Don't worry though, "normal-me" is interesting enough. (I hope, at least) ... Again, this seems far too much like I'm a schitzo, or someone who puts on a mask for the 'outside world' ... It's really not that bad. I don't put up a show, I'm just keeping some privacy, and having an on-line weblog more or less forces me to draw the line specifically. (Oh dear, did I call it a weblog ? ... I suppose I meant blog. ... Hrm) I mean, everyone has some things about themselves they'd rather not have most other people know about. right ... ? And it's not even that, I wouldn't mind people knowing these things, but they're somewhat touchy for some people, and if I'd started writing it all down here and they'd stumble accross it ... ? .. *ugh* ... Actually, it's not really "inner-me" and "normal-me" either. It's just one or two subjects. Or something. Egh.

Ok, I've decided. I'm going to Just Do It, and go slow on those issues. Not now though. Later. (Oh, dear, do I hear some people losing their patience ? .... well, don't ... It's nothing that special. Besides, I'm not writing 'em down untill I actually have something to say about it, so ... well, you might not even notice 'em once I do write 'em down so... ... ... Eh ... I'm not really helping now, am I ? ... Oops. )

Hrm ... Also, I'm really going to write a "Get to know Gerko Crash Course" soonish. Will also include some friends I will likely mention in this blog every now and then. (such as Doug, mentioned above, and below here somewhere as well.) ...

Oh, and my e-mail's not on the page yet. Well, it's gerko2077@hotmail.com. I'm too lazy to work on the lay-out again and put it on the page somewhere. For now, anyway, I'll prolly put it up tomorrow anyway.

Right .... sleepy time.

*phew* I guess it does work. It didn't before, though. And when it did, it was a lot slower than at home. Oh well, it works, so my next entry will be the one I've typed at for quite a while just now. Whee !

I'm scared. I want my darn blog to work here in Flushing. I'll get real mad if it doesn't !

Tuesday, May 21, 2002

*blinks*
Just one short extra update before I get shoed off-line again. Going back to my room in Flushing this evening. I don't really want to, but then again, I do have to. I have to go to school again and actually start doing something. *sigh* ... Oh well. I feel tired, bored, and whatnot else what you feel when you just don't feel right. I actually don't even feel like typing here now. Then again, this sure is addicting. Heh.

Meh, I think I'm gonna take shower now.

PS: Imajica is cool. Doug, thanks for recommending it.

*blinks*
I'm done. For now. Like it ?
I do. Kinda. Could still use some work though.

*ugh* ... I'm home sick from school today. Not really feeling that well. But I've been worse. *sighs* School bites though. Well, it's not that bad, I'm just not motivated. At all. Eh, I'll be fine... (Just going to have to figure out what the heck I do want.)

And here's me crossing my fingers for everyone who's taking their exams//finals.Good luck, people.

Oh, and since I'm bored now, I'm going to start working my new lay-out. I wonder if I should span it over two colums though. I'm thinking no, at the moment. But if it gets too crowded... Eh, I'll see.

And June complemented me on my english on her blog, and linked back to me. Maybe I'll have more than 2 or 3 visitors now. Whee !

*is fiddling with the template now*

Monday, May 20, 2002

...!#@$*& !
Just lost an entry because I accidentally hit reload. No, really, it was just stupid, and a genuine accident. I blame the way my desktop is organized at the moment. (Keyboard shuffled to one side, with the mouse in front of it. And it's quite irritating. I should fix it. ... later... (too lazy)... ) I was just hovering with my fingers over the keyboard, and then my left wrist just decided to land on the mouse, move it to the reload button at the top of my browser window, and then press the left button. ... Ugh.

Well, I didn't lose all that much. Made a somewhat apology for my last entry's hurried style. (Was doing 3, 4 things at the same time.) Missed the first 10 minutes of Star Trek, not really that important. Also, I told a little about how I envision my future lay-out.) I suppose I'll write it down in a future entry, or heck, you'll just see it by yourself (The whole 2 or 3 of you who actually read this)

Ok, I'm getting seriously PO'ed at my mouse now, changing windows and such constantly. So I'm calling it quits for this entry.
_

Managed to steal some computer time from my sister again. Woo.. ! Well, but I'm still bored. More or less, anyway. So I'm scribbling something more down.

Oh, and a friend of mine just goofed, and bought into a Virus Hoax. I think I managed to persuade him that it wasn't a virus, but a hoax. And I kinda fixed the damage, too.
Took a while. Oh, and the phone just went dead. I fixed that too.

There's a lot more I want to write down here. Not now though. Gotta go watch Star Trek : Voyager.
I'm not bored anymore.

Ah, another day.
I'm thinking about some more lay-out changes, but I think I'll just leave it 'as is' for now. For one, because that new lay-out will give me more room to put links and stuff. So far, I don't really have all that many. Secondly ... uh ... I forgot. ... maybe it was that I'm too lazy to bother right now.

I probably won't be making that many entries today. My sister's got dibs on the computer today. *grmbl* ... Well, I suppose homework goes before 'blogging'. So it's justified. But in any case, I'm half-cut from the PC today, and I think I'm showing withdrawal symptoms. (eek!)

Oh, and the "Girl-Half-Way-Across-The-Street", whom I will call Elise from now on ('cos that's her name, and I don't really see any reason why I should call her otherwise), is having some of her exams tomorrow. Dutch and History, I believe, and she's studying for 'em today.

So Elise, good luck tomorrow, and for the rest of your exams. I know you can do it. And don't get too stressed out over 'em. The last thing you need during your exams is a burn-out.

Same goes for everyone else slaving away at their exams. Don't lose your cool. (Although I doubt anyone else in their exam period is reading this)

Oh, and June, the one who talked Elise into starting a blog added me to her MSN list today. Haven't had the oppurtunity to talk to her so far, but from what I've heard/read of her, she seems nice.

I'm bored. Oh well, I'm off to surfing some other parts of the web, and then I'll have to make room for my sister again. Or maybe I'll scribble down some more stuff. I dunno yet.

Hrm ... I'm going to have to do something about my text-layout. It doesn't really look all that readable like this.
Hmm...
Oh, and I'm calling it a night.

Ooh, now I found it ...

What is a weblog/blog?

A blog is a web page made up of usually short, frequently updated posts that are arranged chronologically -- like a what's new page or a journal. The content and purposes of blogs varies greatly -- from links and commentary about other web sites, to news about a company/person/idea, to diaries, photos, poetry, mini-essays, project updates, even fiction.

Blogs posts are like instant messages to the web.

Many blogs are personal, "what's on my mind" type musings. Others are collaborative efforts based on a specific topic or area of mutual interest. Some blogs are for play. Some are for work. Some are both.

Blogs are also excellent team/department/company/family communication tools. They help small groups communicate in a way that is simpler and easier to follow than email or discussion forums. Use a private blog on an intranet to allow team members to post related links, files, quotes, or commentary. Set up a family blog where relatives can share personal news. A blog can help keep everyone in the loop, promote cohesiveness and group culture, and provide an informal "voice" of a project or department to outsiders.

Wasn't that far off with my guess/assumptions. Although I hadn't thought of using it as "team/department/company/family communication tool"... I'd rather go for real-life post-it notes, I think.

Well, I changed a few things on the lay-out.Nothing major, just making it all a bit more personal instead of pre-frabicated.

Oh, and I looked in the dictionary, but "blog" isn't in there. No, the dictionary isn't outdated. I'm using Dictionary.com. I don't think you can get more recent than that. Unless it's down, ofcourse. So I guess I'm stuck at guessing, assuming.

On the other hand, maybe it's on the home page. Stupid me for not thoroughly reading through it.

But, as my "About" description says (or least now, will probably change soonsish), The girl half-way across the street talked me into doing this. She'll be starting her own blog soonish, as well. After her exams. Or at least, that's what she told me.

Hrm ... I think I scared myself with my last entry. Sounds far too schitzofrenic (I just know I wrote that wrong, I don't care). It's really not that bad. Sheesh... Come on.

On the bright side, I now have a URL I can give up as a homepage. Even though I didn't use it much, I was kinda bummed out when Dencity stopped their free hosting. Although I guess I wasn't quite as bummed this time as I was when they stopped remote hosting and started with hidious pop-ups.

Gah ! And this was supposed to become a short entry. No such luck, I guess. Also, I seem to write this stuff easier and faster than when I'm normally writing things. Perhaps because it's a "blog" ... something that doesn't have to be taken that seriously, but just as a place to vent. Well, sounds good enough for me.

Sunday, May 19, 2002

Yup, it works now.

I'll probably be changing around some names and such in the following days, just to see what style I like best.
I need a good name for it.

What does "Blog" mean, anyway ?
I mean, I can guess, or assume, but ... maybe I should just look it up.
They have sites for that. Oh well.

Now, here's to developing a rythem in updating this thing. You know, to start to take it for granted.
Just as a place to scribble something down.
Wether it's nonsense, or actually has actual substance.

...

I'm getting some cold feet now, though.
Yup, having this page, I mean, "blog", means I should start writing down personal things here. And that's scary. I've got stuff on my mind I don't really think everyone's really ready to hear. No, nothing truly shocking, but still. Just some things I'd rather not have some people know. Not that I'd mind them knowing it, but ... well, I dunno.

So I've struck a soft-spot on myself now. Shall I write down in the style of the image people (including myseld) have of me, or try and write type down what I really think. Or something ... To be or not to be ... Eh, I dunno... I don't know if I'm ready to show the world the real me. Heck, I'm not even sure I am ready to what the real me would write down. So far, it's been the 'normal' me. Not the inner-me. I'm half thinking the 'inner-me' should be confined to a private diary, or "Journal", since diaries are supposedly 'girly-ish', and "real men" don't write diaries, they write journals. Not that there's any difference, aside from not starting with "Dear Diary" ...

Ok, I'm ranting... Then again, I suppose this is for ranting ... so ...

Oh well, I've been telling myself to 'open up' myself to the world a bit more.
I suppose this isn't that bad a place to start.

Ooh, wow. It works.
Hurray !

Well, I realize the lay-out's a bit plain.
But I like it plain.
Maybe I'll fiddle with it myself later on.

Probably not, knowing myself.