Gerko's Weblog

Tuesday, December 31, 2002

I don't WHAT !?

"Error 103:java.sql.SQLException: Could not allocate space for object 'BlogSettings' in database 'blogger' because the 'PRIMARY' filegroup is full. (server:disco)" ...

Stupid blogger ! This is a new one for me.

Anyways. With less than 11 hours left on the clock of 2002 for me, I am so totally not ready for another passing year. I'm in denial, mostly. I think. Or just didn't pay attention to the date lately. Oh well ...

Right, I had real-life stuff to do.

Things to do when sitting behind the PC and being bored because the bloody server blew out it's DNS again ! (No internet access) :

• Talk to people you haven't spoken to enough lately. I managed to keep my Instant Messengers DNS-crash-proof.


• Listen to the radio and wait for a song to come on that you have on your Winamp playlist. Put it on, and try and synchronize the songs. ... (Hey ! This is fun. I should do this more often.)


• Write nonsensical blog entries like this one.


• Write sensible blog entries unlike this one.


• Give a call to your mother and become irritated by her nagging. Even though she's right, and you know it.


• Curse some more at the server for being an unstable piece of donkey poop.


• Being happy knowing that the server will be replaced with a new one in less than a week.


• Feeling guilty about sitting behind the PC instead of doing something usefull, like, getting your financial stuff in order, or writing a long-promised letter.


• Doodle 'drawing'-skeletons (round things) on on scraps of paper. You learned how to do this by randomly wandering onto some site. Don't bother to take the next step to draw in any detail. Proceed to sign it with "- **(name)** can't draw # **(attempt number)**"

Sunday, December 29, 2002

The Aftermath

Hey, I'm fine. This morning wasn't all bad. Actually, I'm feeling pretty good today. More mentally than physically, though. I'm still a bit shaky, and my stomach is still somewhat upset. But let me back up and start at last night.

I just realized I didn't write down where I got drunk last night. Well, it was right here. In this house, anyway. Two floors down, some housemates were having a birthday gathering. We sat, drank and talked. And that was about it. Oh, and there was background music. Fun, though.

Last entry I wrote I threw up, twice. First one messed up my clothes.

Murphy's law, you see. There was one article of clothing I did not have a spare of laying around here anymore. I always have clean clothes here, but due to circumstances, everything in the category trousers/jeans/pants was at home-home this weekend. Guess which one piece of clothing I puked over ? ... Very good. My jeans. Didn't get on anything else, besides my hands, chin, and the inside of the toilet bowl. Afterwards, I made a short stop downstairs again, with a bit of an apology, and decided it was high-time for me to call it a night.

Instead of instantly crawling into bed, I took of my dirty clothes, and decided to come on-line and write some stuff up about it. Then, while writing, another wave came, faster, more liquid, and a lot harder to hold back. So I sprayed it. Over the sleeve of my T-shirt. (Ooops. Did I say my jeans were the only clothes I messed up ? ... well, in first instance, it was) But mostly over the floor. One thing : puking really clears up the mind. I don't care if it seems unrealistic in movies and whatnot. How just the contents of your stomach shouldn't instantly influence your state of mind. I don't care, but it does.

After some emergency clean ups, I sat down behind the computer again and continued writing. Talked to Tone Capone and June a bit, then decided to not delay that shower I intended to take anymore, took along my dirty clothes, sort-of seperated 'em in to color and non-color, and threw the colored ones in the washer and turned it on. I showered. brushed my teeth, too.

I set the alarm for 11:35, and crawled into bed at around 4 o'clock, with nothing on me but some underwear. I slept.

At around 9:20 am I woke up. Be it because of the sunlight, or someone else's alarm somewhere in the house, I awakened. With the stench of alcohol and vomit on my breath. After turning around a couple of times and wondering why I was awake so early, I dragged myself out of my bed, into the cold, cold room. Stumbled to the other side of the room to close the window, was still cold, put on a T-shirt, shaking on my feet, went to bathroom to get my clothes out of the washer and into the dryer. I set it for 90 minutes, walked back into my room, and crawled into bed again. 9:50 am. Still cold. After some time, I hear the heater turn on. I realize I put all the clothes in the dryer, and that mom said not to put certain clothes in there. Oops. But it isn't like I messed that up before. Besides, there wasn't any room on the drying rack. I drift off to la-la land again.

11:35 am. My alarm goes. Some time later I crawl out again. It's warmer in my room now. I walk to the closet and put on an almost full set of clothes. Minus jeans, ofcourse, for which I went to the bathroom to get out of the dryer. They're nice and warm. Cooled down too quickly, though. As warm clothes always do. I'm feeling a bit sick again. No painfull head, though. No classic "hangover" to speak of. Just my stomach and not-completely-restored motor functions. Walked back to my room. Thought some. Decided to make me some breakfast/lunch. The quesyness would settle, or I would puke before it was ready. Gloated a bit over the fact that the rest of the house was all still asleep and feeling sick, and there I was, of sound mind, clean clothes, making breakfast. Tortellini. Cooked for 12 minutes. Tried puking, but didn't. Ate my Tortellini. Half way through I tried again, but again, didn't. Decided to eat everything anyway. Walked back upstairs and went on-line. Some hours later, I decided it was high-time to clean the floor properly. Which I did.

To this hour, I have not thrown up since, even though my stomach's still upset.

Anyway, aside from my own floor, there wasn't much house-cleaning today so far. Well, screw 'em, I'm going to start on the dishes soon, wether they like it or not.

Oh, look at me. I'm drunk. Definatly. First time in my life. Heh. And I let it happen, too. Wanted to know what it was like, I think. Well, I suppose I know now. Nothing too special, except that ... well, your motor functions die out, and most of your mind shuts off, as well. 'course, I knew that, just never experienced it myself. Heh, I even puked. Go me ! ...

...

Agh, I just puked again. All over my room. Well, not all over, but the floor's pretty messy. Having problems writing this down, too. lots of misstypings I have to correct.

Anyway, I'm not regretting this. It's something I want to have to go through at least once. And I suppose this is it. I now know my limit. And I could've quit a lot earlier too, but I didn't, because I wanted to know what it's like to be drunk. Heh. Funny/ironic how I just mentioned that I mentioned that to June just earlier today (uh ... yesterday, I guess, by now). Didn't think it'd happen so soon. My mind's half-gone at the moment, but I still think I'm me. I'm still a nice guy, to the bone. At least, that's what I'd like to think, anyway.

Going to take a shower now. Wish me luck in not falling over. I hope I'm not severely disappointing people with this ... but ... well, I take full responsibility for it. I don't feel good, but in a way, I do. Not because I finally belong to some sort of group (what the fuck ? ofcourse not !) but because I learned something. Oh well ...

Saturday, December 28, 2002

They're not allowing me to do the dishes ! Those bastards ! Heheheh. Anyway, house-cleaning is mostly postponed till tomorrow. Hmmm ... maybe they'll let me do some shopping. Got almost no food in my closet anymore. Just two packets of noodles, mostly.

Also, I'm having some problems connecting to MSN ... connected now, but I don't know how long it'll hold. ICQ and AIM seem stable, though. Oh, and the christmas entry should be updated by now. (Finally)

Attempting to fix those blasted archives...

[EDIT] .... Ooh .... seems like I got it working ... Doesn't look too great, but at least, some not-so-great-looking-links are better than an incomplete list. I'm going to have to add one myself every bloody month, though, if I keep this. [/EDIT]

Well, I'm back from Two Towers. It was good, I suppose. I'm sort-of apathic to it, though. As I knew I would be. ... I ... don't know. I just don't really care. Not the movies' fault. Mine. It was good. I recommended it. Just didn't expect myself to be excited over it, and I wasn't. Guess I just lack the mindset to be really absorbed by a movie currently. Maybe it's that "lack of joy" thing a couple of entries back. (Sorry June :( ... I know that's not what you want to hear.)

Anyway, instead of joining the gang back home, they set me off at my student-home place. Didn't seem I got any mail aside from what the guy that rents out this left at my door.(phone bill and a christmas card) ... Weird. Will ask someone tomorrow. Will also ask Elise if she forwarded that letter yet.

Oh, and we did meet Peter and Lauke (the other guy) as we were picking up our tickets, but lost track of each other after that.

So ... I'm gonna do some house-cleaning tomorrow. There's a huge dish at the moment, and I haven't been keeping up my end of the cleaning schedule for quite a while, so I suppose I'd better get started. And hey, it's a "something" to do, even though not overly pleasant. Also, I have a pile of (financial/registration/whatever) paperwork to go through. *groan* ... Really don't want to go do that. ~sigh~ .. Oh well.

In the meanwhile, I'm "busy" trying to get that Christmas entry on-line, but I keep getting distracted. Figured I'd better spend my energy on this entry, then. Oh, right, and this one isn't the one I'm scared of, either. Actually, I'm going to post-pone that one. It's nothing too urgent I have to get off my chest. I think. Meh.

Friday, December 27, 2002

...

So ... I'm not really sure if I'll go and fill in on those past events. I doubt I will, actually. But if there was anything specific you'd like to know, feel free to ask.

I'm off to seeing Lord of the Rings : Two Towers in a bunch of minutes. With pretty much the same crew I went to see The Fellowship of the Ring. Ganpat, his father, and some of his nephews. Peter and another real-life friend might be there, too, as they were seeing it today as well, but I'm not sure if they got the same viewing, or an earlier/later one. Elise already saw the movie ... but she never saw the Fellowship. Tsk, tsk, tsk. Bad girl. No watching sequels without seeing the original. Certainly not in a series such as this. ... She's almost done with reading the first book, though, so I suppose it makes up for it. Somewhat. Speaking of books, I should pick up a new book to read.

Hmmm ... There's another entry coming up, but I'm sort-of scared of it. Or something. Anyhow, it seems like time is on my side, as I have to be off to see LotR:TT. Remind me to not forget my glasses.

Wednesday, December 25, 2002

Oops. Took me a bit long to get this one filled in. (three days) ...
Oh well, no matter. It's here now, and I humbly apologize for any inconveniences it might have brought.

Merry (belated) Christmas, everyone. Hope you enjoyed your days.

As most of you know, or at least, should know, I'm a dutchie from Dutchieland, and we don't celebrate Christmas with presents here. We folk from these here Netherrealms, uh, I mean, -lands do that some 3 weeks earlier, with "Sinterklaas", the guy Santa Claus was ripped off from. We Hollanderians sure are cool.

So I don't have any presents to share. Or gloat at, for that matter.

Well, maybe I do.

June wants to help me get through this "rough patch", as she put it. And if I got it right, that's pretty much the thing she wanted for Christmas. To be spared from me rejecting her help. ... So sweet of her. Cutish. She played it tricky, too. Not informing me about who this person was she wanted to help. There really was no way for me to be able to refuse and not be a total asshole. (Not that I would've refused otherwise)

So when she finally asked, I was a bit stunned about it at first. "Am I really that far off ?" But she's right. It's been a long while since I bore that genuine smile with any staying power.

She said some nice things about me, too. 'Course, right afterwards I had to make a wisecrack about it, trying to deconstruct what she said instead of embracing it. I'm no good with compliments. I can't really take 'em, also, I hardly ever give any. I wonder if people notice. I didn't, up untill recently. Then again, I don't say much at all in real-life, so I suppose it doesn't ... I'm fairly sure I don't have that "I'm better than you" air over me, though. ... Anyway, I'm sidetracking. (easier to write, I think).

I hope she'll know where to start better than I do, though, because I don't. Heh. It all leaves me a bit confused. But I guess that's a small price to pay.

Oh, and before I forget, here's a special Christmas Daily Dan. Go Doug !

Friday, December 20, 2002

Today was bad. Very bad. Got up at 6 pm, even though I'd been fast asleep since 2 or 3 am the night before. After finally dragging myself from the bed I couldn't even find any clothing, so I walked around half-naked (bathrobed) for about two hours before I took a shower and managed to scrounge up the last remaining bits of clean clothes. Not before taking out my frustration (mostly with myself) on my mom, though. ...

I cooled down after some while, when I was 'needed' to help carry a pair of couches from halfway-across-the-street's garage (Elise's home-home) to the living room downstairs (My home-home). After that, I nuked some left-overs from dinner and ate something. Then I hung out a bit on-line and decided to blot this down. Not really in the mood to write anything else down though. Even though I'm better than before, and possibly if I stay up long enough I'll be able to write some more tonight. Slim chance.

But yesterday (Thursday) was good, very good ... *adds it to his list of things to write about*

Thursday, December 19, 2002

And so there was another not-posting-spree.

I meant to post something about a week ago, and then I kept delaying it because ... uh ... I don't know. Anyway, when I wanted to post a week ago, quite a lot had happened in the week before that. The current "last week" was mostly uneventfull, though.

Short summary :

Gerko built a pyrotechnik boat, broke his watch, found a new motivation to start on his driver's license 'soonish', heard news of an on-line friend being in the hospital, and had another one say goodbye to the internet. Also, he has been bugging his mom by staying at home-home and doing pretty much nothing. Oh, and his sleeping schedule hasn't improved any.

That was the earlier week.

This week has been rather plain, as I said earlier. Had that bi-annual dentist check-up, kept on bugging mom, plans to go to Vlissingen that didn't go through, a sick brother at home, and some sort of silly-serious ranting mood that started me back on writing this stuff.

However, tomorrow's going to be a busy, busy day ! In a half-daze this morning, I promised I'd be at work tomorrow at 8 am. And later that afternoon, I'm going with Ganpat to The Hague (Den Haag) to check out Peter's room. (both are real-life friends since elementary school)

I am (or was, anyway) planning to elaborate on those past happenings more. Already wrote some smallish parts, but it's very messy, and it's getting late again, so I don't get to blog it all down tonight, anyway. Let me go check that mess in that notepad file and see if I can scrounge some parts together that would make a somewhat coherent entry.

Depression ? ... Hmmm ... *looks up definition*

depression

Psychology. A psychiatric disorder characterized by an inability to concentrate, insomnia, loss of appetite, anhedonia, feelings of extreme sadness, guilt, helplessness and hopelessness, and thoughts of death. Also called clinical depression.

Uh-oh ... well, lets see, one-be-one.