Gerko's Weblog

Saturday, November 29, 2003

Back on my way home. Spend a nice afternoon//evening at my grandparents's.
Think that might've been the first time I ever visited them on my own, and it was ... well, a little odd. But good nontheless. So we had some chats, dinner, and I also watched a bit of the movie Notting Hill together with my aunt. Which was nice, too.

(Realisation that handwriting sucks. I blame the train for not having a proper place to write on and for rocking so much. Also might not be trying to write nicely because the NS has provided me with such a lovely scapegoat.)

As for my thoughts on going to Leiden next year ... I'm still bloody clueless. The "Practical Courses" class this afternoon didn't help too much with providing me an anwser, but one of the possible courses of that one does seem to offer something a bit more 'meaty' - technical. Though I'd have to say I'm already quite capable of about half they'd want to teach me in that set-thingie, too. Well, maybe not half, but, like, one third, at least. (Computers, webpages, databases, programming. Sorta) ... So it's an interesting choice. Worst part about it is that is it a "Practical Course", and thus somewhat aimed at the job market. And the described role in those occupations would be pretty close to the things I do NOT want to do for a living. Descriptions that get close to some of the reasons why I quit Electrical Engineering.

... Okay. Maybe it's not that bad. I can see it happen. Also, there are 52 possible choice options, and this is just one of 'em. I really could invision myself here, following this. But as I said, I'm having a bit of a harder time imagining myself sitting here with my heart in it. And I'm going to need that.

So I wonder if taking all that trouble for that Colloquium Doctum is worth it if I decide that this course is "not for me", either, after another half year or so.

Just switched trains. Should be set for a while again. Where was I ? Oh yes. I'm on my way to Leiden, and it has practically nothing to do with "the girl half way across the street". Gerko's going to an "Open day" at the Leiden University, to see if the "English Language and Culture" course they have there is something I might be interested in.

-Okay, that's bull. I am interested in it. That's basicly the entire point. To see if my interest in it justified. ~blah-blah-blah - you know the deal. There's a college (class ? - example lesson) that starts at 10:30, so you can see why I'm itchy about being late. If all goes well (and it has, so far), I might still make it. If not ... well, bummer, but at least I'll still be on for the general "Well now we're going to you what this study is all about"-thing, which starts at 11:15. If I can't make that; well, curse you, NS, for you messed up above and beyond the call of duty. But as I said, things seeem to be going alright for now. Just gotta keep my fingers crossed.

[Imagine really ugly handwriting]
Did you know it's a real pain writing while having your fingers crossed? - it sucks, so I'm like going to uncross 'em now in a bit.
(No spelling errors though, Just fugly writing which is different from typing with crossed fingers, which produces loads of typos. HAH
[/End of really ugly handwriting]

Back to normal now. There was also an entry I wanted to write about how my handwriting changed, a while ago, almost at once. I think it reverted to it's old self again now, though. With the exception of the 'rounder' W's and Y's.

Well, here I am. I made it. Just in time, too. Well, I was one minute later, I suppose, but there were a few otheres who arrives at the same time. So there. No problem.

What could be considered a problem is that I still don't know if this is what I want. I'm not *truly* interested in any of the main fields this course offers. And well ... most would be pretty tough on me. Nothing I couldn't learn, ofcourse,but I doubt if my heart would be really in it.

Good grief, did I just waste €30 on a train ticket ? - Well, it's not that bad ... But still. Annoying.

There's another 'class' or so in ... 10-15 minutes. Not something I'm truly interested in either, but it might help and give another bit of a push. One side of me says to just do it, while the other side screams out and asks for something a bit more 'meaty'. Exciting parts parts I could sink my teeth in (Something "Beta" sided, probably) There's some "Okay, Now We're Going To Tell You How Computers Work" thing in the second half of the first year, but that's bound to teach me nothing new.

But if not this ... then what else ?

In effect, I did not learn much. ... Okay, that's not really true. I did get a lot better view on what "English Language and Culture" is, but it didn't really change my, rather apathic, opinion. (But I already said that. Well. Let's see. Hum. What ELSE. uh ... ~flargh)

Five more minutes left beofre I can go to that room.

So, what else is new ?
let's see.

• My Nanowrimo project crashed, burned and lies in a coma at about 3600 words. Might pick it up again sometime*.


• I became a Guest Logger over at Liever Eigenwijs, but with only one entry to date. The most amazing thing about it is that I wrote it that entry in dutch, and that any future entries there by me will be in dutch, too.
• The second most amazing thing about it is that Larissa put up some big puppy eyes and asked me if she could guest-blog here on my blog. To return the favor. This was scary ! This blog has been a personal thing. Sometimes very personal, and now someone else wants to get in and contribute some entries. But even though we don't know each other that well yet, I do believe Larissa is a very nice person, and that there is no need to fear anything. Also, really, how could I refuse a request made by such a pretty face ?
  [note to self : have not seen face in question]
• I failed my second driver's test. But I already wrote about that, didn't I ? Yes, yes I did. Did I also write about recieving a letter (or letters, actually) from June that very same day ? Don't think I did. Anyway, that was pretty nice, and I suppose it's my turn again to write her something. Said she was moving, though, so I'm going to have to wait for her new adress.


• Oh yes. I've been learning Japanese. Well, a bit, anyway. There's this game over at http://lrnj.com, and it teaches you Japanese. It's pretty fun. (Learning the language, not the game, which as far as games go is pretty sucky)
  So, I have a fair grasp of both 'alphabets', Katakana and Hiragana, now. And I know about ~250 Kanji, which are words. Or half-words. Or ... anyway, pictures with meaning. Katakana and Hiragana don't have meaning, only sounds.
  
  Still need a lot of practice, though. Also, while I can read the Katakana and Hiragana, and thus somewhat figure out how some written things are pronounced, I have no idea of the meaning of such words. As for the Kanji, I have no idea how those are pronounced, I merely know their meaning.
  So I'm not going to be able to read anyhthing coherent, let alone speak any Japanese merely by playing this game. Still, it's very fun. Especially the explanations on some the kanji, telling what it means and how it 'came to be'.

Well, wahooey ~! Overslept this morning, so now I'm in a train about 30 minutes later. Going for some stops and switches though, so that's going to suck, and I just hope I might still be on time. It ... should be possible, though unlikely.

So, another hand-written entrym hum ? It's abeen a while, surely.I started on a few before, but finished none. (And thus never uploaded any, either.) One I did almost finish was one at a party//'family gathering'. Early summer, three of my grandmother's (Dad's side) grandchildren graduated High School that month (including my sister), so it called for a celebration of sorts. It was nice enough, and maybe I need to topy over that entry and put it up anyway, even if it's 6 months overdue. Some other entries were going to be about apologizing for not blogging, sending June another package, and the proof on my theory of having Magical Facial Hair of Depresssion, which has the amazing ability to depress me up until the moment I shave it off.

Anyway, Gerko's in a train right now, heading for ... Leiden ! But alas, I won't visit Elise, since she decided to come home-home this weekend. (Why? Why !? - I still haven't seen her room since she moved internally. Which was ... uh ... a long time ago.)

Tuesday, November 25, 2003

I sort-of promised Elise I'd write a blog entry yesterday. I didn't.

Yesterday's excuse was Stupid Donkey Star Trek. I've been following the 'new' Enterprise series since they started broadcasting it on dutch TV recently. It sucks almost as much as a vacuum cleaner, and blows even more. But still, I watch it. Why ? I'm not sure.

I was about to not-blog today, too. Today's excuse would have been along the lines of myself being a complete loser who can't do anything right. (*ding-ding-ding*, you guessed correctly, Gerko failed his second driver's test, too.) But then I suddenly ended up here around 10 past 10, PM, with nothing to do. I'll go hit the sack soon, but I thought I'd write some stuff down here first. So here it is.

*sigh*. I'm much more upset about failing this time than last time. Still not very upset, mind you. Just in comparison. Flargh.

What I did wrong ? Well, I did less wrong than last time, that's one thing. The other ... well, I don't look far enough ahead, I don't act//react properly//quickly to most situations. Something to that effect.

Still, I know I could've done better. Heck, I have done better. So why'd I mess up and fail ? One theory is that I resist change. Somewhere, I don't want to change my life. Driving lessons are part of this life. ... Looking at the 'changes' in my life the past years, I haven't been in control over any of 'em. Near all of 'em were other people's decisions to which I just nodded and agreed with. (Going to that Day/Evening School for my HAVO. Electrical Engineering. Moving out. Dropping out. Starting driving lessons. Getting a (horribly) low paying paying job.)

But ... I don't mind. I don't mind not making my own decisions, because I ... wouldn't even know what to decide. (As has been stated before, to great lenghts.) Summed up, I am quite capable of adapting to external changes. I don't mind 'em when they come around, and can like them. On the other hand, I am incapable, or rather, unwilling to make any changes by myself.

Passing my driver's exam and getting my license would have that change, I suppose. And ... ehrm. That's why I failed ? Okay, strange theory, but not too outlandish, I'd say. A subconscious desire to not change anything. Hum. Well, flargh.

That has got to change. I am going to have to change myself, or I'll never get anywhere in this life.

*rolls eyes* Okay, so that wasn't anything we didn't know already.

BUT IT'S AN ENTRY. STOP COMPLAINING.